God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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