3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
handjob tips. give me some.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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