you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
