how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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