adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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