i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize