I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize