don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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