He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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