'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
