We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
