I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
