it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
only you would photoshop your dick
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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