not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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