Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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