just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize