There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
