I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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