I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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