I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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