May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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