i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
