just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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