was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
