i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize