Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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