Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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