rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
