If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
