I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
