how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
