She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When are your genitals available?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize