I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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