I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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