I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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