I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
