So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
