If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
