I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
