so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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