Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
