bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
