He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
