Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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