Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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