I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
