just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
