There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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