so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I could fuck to npr.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
