i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
