We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
