He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
