I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
