Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
