he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This is the high leading the old right now
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize