Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
