So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
