The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
