i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
