Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
