Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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