what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
