At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
