can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize