that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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