dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
