i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
