he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
