: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
