Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
