Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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