before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize