The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
