Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish you could order shots online.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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