Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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