I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
