I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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