Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
