I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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