apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
