I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
