im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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