Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
