the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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